Seriously!?

I have always looked like my mothers daughter, or at least I would have if she looked old enough to be my mother, that is to say that my mother and I have always been the kind of mother-daughter duo that often is mistaken for sisters.

I never liked being young. I couldn't wait to be old enough to be taken seriously. I was so happy to turn 30 that for the whole year, starting in January of my 30^th birthday, when asked I would say, “I'll be 30 this year (my birthday is in December). I am proud of my crows feet and point out my 3 gray hairs as bragging rights.

However lately I find that I look less and less like my mother's daughter, and more and more like my mother. My husbands (both my current and the former) have assured me that they did the check-out-the-mom-to-see-how-she-will-age-before-you-marry-her test and that I have nothing to be worried about. My mother was carded on her 40^th birthday and as I approach 35 she still doesn't look old enough to be my mom.

I know that I am no longer young when I hear that my favorite song from high school is 20 years old and that the boy that was 5 when I dated his father just went away to college.

The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I wish people would stop taking me so damn seriously!

Zookeeper

So I got a new job. I start today and I am super excited and a little nervous too. You see, I got a management position, and well the last time I was a manager I had a nervous breakdown that ended my life as I knew it. To be fair there were a few other major contributing factors that lead to the breaking down and it was not the soul responsibility of my title.

However, that being said I would like to take this opportunity to be creative with the moniker that will soon grace my business cards and determine how I sign my emails.

man·ag·er

  [man-i-jer]

noun

1.
a person who has control or direction of an institution,business, etc., or of a part, division, or phase of it.

2.
a person who manages: the manager of our track team.

3.
a person who controls and manipulates resources and expenditures, as of a household.

Sounds like a real bitch, right? I definitely don't want that, so how about: Administrator? Turns out that means one who manages, so no real improvement there.

Other synonyms include: boss, controller, conductor, director, executive, governor, handler, head, head person, officer, official, organizer, overseer, producer, proprietor, slave driver, straw boss, superintendent, supervisor, zookeeper...

zookeeper sounds interesting but perhaps a bit misleading, although there is a lot of talk of animals in a yoga studio: up dog, down dog, pigeon, cat, cow, etc... so... maybe, but no.

How about:

li·ai·son

noun,

1.
the contact or connection maintained in order to ensure concerted action, cooperation, etc.

2.
a person who initiates and maintains contact or connection.

Yeah, that sounds nice. Yoga Studio Liaison... wish me luck!

Anger Sucks

There have been a lot of discussions lately with in my inner circles about anger; and amongst fellow yoga teachers and every other elephant journal article I've read recently the consensus is that anger is good. I would like to go on record as saying that I emphatically disagree! Anger sucks.

Anger hurts us not only emotionally but physically, as our bodies experience that intense negative emotion all of that energy is stored with in our cells transforming the way we feel and function. I always know when I am angry because of the instant physical effect it has on me. My whole left shoulder and arm starts to hurt and I can see myself through my mind's eye tucking with in myself like a injured bird bringing my wing in close to my body. As a massage therapist I see the affects of emotions on the body in my clients and nothing is more damaging than anger.

Anger hurts not only ourselves but those around us. Rarely are those responsible for our wrath the ones that we direct it to. How often have you snapped at your spouse, partner, kids, Starbucks barista or the old dude in the jalopy holding up traffic in front of you because you were angry at your boss, yoga teacher, lost word doc or the pile of dishes in the sink?

The biggest reason that anger is so destructive is that it isn't EVEN REAL! Anger is the moat, brick wall, and army of defense mechanisms that we create to keep us from feeling the true emotion that an infuriating person or event invokes. Very often that real emotion is fear, and fear, not surprisingly is, well, scary. So we hide from our fear behind anger.

The argument for the benefits of anger have been the valuable tool that it can be for learning something about ourselves. The real tool might be discovering what it is that you are so afraid of, and then upon realizing that often times fear is caused by an actor in a costume and mask playing make-believe at the fun house of horrors hiding behind the wacky mirror and jumping out at just the right moment to make you jump and scream in mock horror until you laugh because the fear, well, it isn't real either.

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear. ~ Gandhi

Update Posted 10/6/12